4 Challenges To Expect When Leading An Illness Support Group
After weeks, or even months, of planning for your support group, the time for your first meeting has finally arrived. You have prepared a proposal to start up a support group which has been approved by an organization or church. You have gathered items for a welcome package and have topic or speakers ready to go.
Does all of this mean that your meetings will run perfectly? Despite your best plans, the chances are unlikely. Here are a few frustrations that you may encounter during those first meetings s they are worth acknowledging and being prepared for in advance.
(1) Only a couple of people attend.
How it feels: Disappointing. After all the work you put into it, not to mention the passion you feel about doing this, it seems like such a wasted to just have one or two people show up. Understand that this can be typical, especially at first, when everyone feels a bit intimidated. Try not to take it personally. To be honest, you are fighting an uphill battle in getting people to attend a chronic illness support group, because when people feel ill, they usually want to stay home, not go out and socialist. But when they are feeling well, they’d prefer to do something more fun then sit around and talk about their illness.
What to do: A good motto is “Hope for the best and prepare for the few.” HopeKeepers is a Christian small group program that serves the chronically ill, and their founder says, “Although it’s discouraging when just a couple of people come, we try to concentrate on the fact that God planned that specific meeting. Once I had just one person come to my group and I was bummed out, but we ended up having the best conversation. Later she said that she was terribly shy and probably wouldn’t have even spoken if others had attended the meeting.”
Keep an outline of your lesson, and include what topics were discussed. Then you can easily “repeat” the meeting with little preparation. And it may not hurt to call people, and without pressuring them, ask if there is anything that you can do to make it easier for them to attend. For example, do they need a ride? What is their best time of day for a meeting?
(2) Your lesson plan is completely ignored.
How it feels: As though your ideas aren’t interesting or inspiring enough to keep their attention. It can also feel as though no one appreciates all of the time you spent in preparation.
What to do: Allocate more than usual flexibility in your timeline at first and then add in more structure as the group meets and you begin to see how it flows. It’s most likely that people are so excited to meet one another who understand what they experience living with daily chronic pain, that they just want to talk. You’ve provided a forum where the floodgates of pent up emotions are sure to spill over as soon as they realize they are allowed to be honest and vulnerable. It’s impossible to hold up a book and point people back toward your lesson plan when one of the members is sobbing over her daughter who has told her mom her illness is “all in your head” and until she gets over it they are done. This type of situation can occur at any meeting, but it may be more frequent during the first month.
Talk to your group about your desire to allow people to share, but also that you want everyone to leave feeling refreshed. So regardless of what happens during the meeting, you will plan to end with an uplifting article, scripture, poem, prayer, devotional, etc.
(3) Everyone just complains about everything! Their relationships, the medical professionals, their illness-the list is never ending.
How it feels: Like you are expected to manage a small riot. There are many built up emotions where people have experienced deeply wounded feelings, unjust consequences, and even medical errors. It can seem they want you to fix the situation or else they will talk incessantly about it to everyone.
What to do: Set up some basic guidelines before your first meeting if possible, and include the “venting guidelines.” Set a timer and allow everyone to have 60 seconds to share their most frustrating experience of the week. Start a contest with a prize for who handled their situation the best or most creatively. Or be silly and give an award for someone to take home for the week, like “Aggravated the Alligator Award” (a rubber alligator)
Don’t forget to include others in the conversation. For example, say, “Jane, some of us can really relate to what you are feeling. Is there someone here who would like to share how she or he has dealt with these emotions?” If you are doing a lesson plan, say, “Since I want to get you all out of here on time, lets move on to question six, and if someone has some encouragement for Jane, they can share that with her after our meeting.” (Make sue that someone is you if no one else steps forward.)
(4) One person dominates the conversation and seems to take over the meetings, disregarding any plans you have or other’s need to talk.
How it feels: Aggravating! You’ve spent a lot of time preparing for this special time and to have someone come in and take on an overbearing leadership role can be exasperating. When you can see the person leading your group down a path of negativity, you may also be worried about how many people she is scaring away. Will others think this is what your group is all about?
What to do: Set firm boundaries from the beginning. While it’s vital that people are encouraged to communicate their frustrations, they are also responsible for respecting others in the group. They need to watch their language, the quantity of time they dominate a conversation, and how they comment on people’s treatments or decisions.
One of the best ways to approach this is to include guidelines about how the group will function that are given to all new members. If the person who dominates the conversations doesn’t understand your simple comments of “Let’s see how other people feel” then talk to her one-on-one. Politely go over the guidelines. You may want to put her in charge of a part of the meeting where she can have a leadership role. Having the guidelines to refer to will make it feel less of a personal attack than if you are simply correcting her behavior.
Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself. You will learn as you go. Facilitating a support group is often assumed to be a simple undertaking. It’s a myth that all one does is announce a meeting, lots of people attend, everyone shares and supports one another, and not personality conflicts arrive. That is impossible.
It takes a extraordinary person to lead a group; one who can effectively communicate. One who has a gift in gently guiding people in the direction you wish them to go, so that the group is a place to lay down one’s burdens, not pick up more arms. A leader should be able offer compassion, but also set boundaries and sometimes diffuse anger. As conditions arise, look to other leaders for ideas and support and perhaps even mentoring. And don’t ever forget that there are no leaders that feel one-hundred percent proficient. Having a willingness to learn and listen is one of the best ways you can become a leader blessed with a group where lives are changed.
Get organized in advance for the unknowns with your group by first reading How to Start a Chronic Illness Small Group Ministry, the new book by Lisa Copen, founder of Rest Ministries. These 320-pages will dig deep for your passion while covering all your concerns.
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